What Your Inner Child Wished You Would Remember

She quietly calls me and reaches out her hand.

“Let’s play!”

Her big dark eyes are full of joy, wonder and excitement.

I turn away from her gaze.

“I can’t.”

I think of all the to-dos piling up on my desk. The emails that need answering, the texts to return. The notifications are buzzing, calling me away.

Her face doesn’t understand. All she knows is fun, laughter, beauty.

She hasn’t seen the world yet, my world — the demands, the responsibilities.

For a moment, I glimpse the world through her eyes.

I see the light all around me and the sweet smell of flowers, of bliss.

The world is a playground, and I’m the creator of my choose your own adventure.

I lose myself watching the trees softly blowing in the breeze, the wild berries ripe with potential.

Just this once, I let myself relax.

I lie down on the inviting bed of grass, feel the sunshine warm my face, and find shapes in the clouds.

A dragon.

A heart.

A castle.

I slip deeper into this daydream, this fantasy.

The old world is calling me back.

Do more.

Be more.

It’s never enough.

You aren’t enough.

The words break my heart, destroying the moment of peace.

They try to root themselves in my wounds, in the crevices filled with unhealed pain and the trapped feelings hiding deep within me.

Calling me back into a life I never wanted to be in.

The voices get louder.

You’re unworthy.

You don’t matter.

You don’t belong here.

You don’t deserve happiness.

They drown out the quiet whispers of my soul.

I start to cave.

I should go back.

It was okay, after all. I had just enough.

Maybe it’s ungrateful and selfish to want more.

She returns.

A handmade bouquet in hands.

She proudly shows it to me.

I lean in and smell the roses. The delicate aroma fills me with ease.

This is where I want to be.

This is who I want to be.

I see the young girl I left behind trying to be the woman everyone told me to be.

The power returns.

You can do this.

The whisper puts my heart at ease.

I make a pact, a quiet promise to the little girl in front of me.

I won’t abandon myself again.

I refuse to deny my hopes, my dreams, the beauty of the present, the calls of my soul for the urgent and endless meaningless tasks.

I want everything I once was.

Not everything I’ve been told to be.

The defeated voices make their finally painful jabs.

It will never work, you know.

You’ll never be happy.

I hear the words as the lies they’ve always been.

The lies I once believed.

I don’t even glance back but run blissfully ahead.

Finally becoming everything I was meant to be.